...In Other News...

Ahhhhh, there's the happily married couple fresh off their Monday afternoon wedding. Jessica Alba and her new wife, Cash, were at the Celebration of Mentoring in Beverly Hills. In other news...

~ ScarJo and Blondie Look Like Mother/Daughter Death ~ AgentBedHead
~ Jessica Simpson Boob Alert ~ DSF
~ Denise and Charlie Fight it Out ~ INO
~ PopBytes Met Gisele....in Boston!!! ~ PopBytes
~ Kristen Davis Used to Lush It Out ~ POTP
~ Nick Hogan Bored in Jail ~ CS
~ Why Indie Films Are Good ~ FatBack
~ Ashlee and Pete Wedding Photos ~ NinjaDude
~ Rumer Willis Smoking ~ Websters

90210 is Almost Like 90210. Sweet!

E Online is reporting that all of my dreams are coming true. So we know that Jennie Garth has signed on to the new 90210 spinoff, called 90210, as a recurring character, but did you know that she won't sign on as a full-time cast member until she sees how the show does? Tori Spelling was supposed to guest star in the show, but now it's being said that she's been written in to the pilot. Supposedly, her first cameo will consist of her having a few lines during a shopping trip with some random girls. That crazy Donna.

Next up, after Ian Ziering said in the past that he wants nothing to do with the show, now it seems like he's changing his tune....probably because he's Steve Sanders and has nothing else going on. Supposedly both Tori's and Ian's "people" have been calling the producers of the show almost every day to see where the situation with the show stands.

We're also being told that other former cast members of 90210 may be making guest appearances from time to time. PLEASE let that mean it's going to be Mrs. Teasley!

Finally, it's been said that none of the original 90210 cast members wanted to be the first to show interest in coming back to the show, but once Jennie Garth did the rest were feeling more comfortable. So everyone should be thanking Kelly Taylor for increasing the chances that Donna will be tossed down a flight of stairs by Ray Pruitt. Thanks Kelly! Hopefully they'll replace all of the new 90210 kids with all of the old 90210 kids. Perhaps they'll have a spinoff of a spinoff.

Harriet Carter, a Magical Wednesday

Happy Harriet Carter Wednesday. It seems like just 7 days ago it was Harriet Carter Wednesday. That was a trick math question. It was 7 days ago. You guys are the worst at math. This week Harriet talks from her pussy....cat, helps a little boys teeth rot out, drys her sweaters in the bathtub, and has her office laughing for seconds with a cup that, wait for it....wait for it, has a nose on it. A nose! Let's go!

Product # 1 - Hey crazy! Do you ever hear sounds coming for your favorite little pussy and you don't know what it's trying to say to you? Besides the "clean me" I'm sure it's shouting since you are a slam pig, your pussy may be trying to tell you many things that you just can't understand. Well now thanks to this exclusive book from the Harriet Carter crapalog titled, "Cat Talk. What Your Cat is Trying to Tell You" you can now fully understand your pussy. Learn such great tips as cleaning your pussy, giving it a trim, brushing it, hugging it, wrapping a collar around it, feeding it sausage, showing it off to your friends, helping it sleep, getting the fleas out of it, checking it for cobwebs, letting a mouse play with it, teaching it how to wink, and a whole lot more! Now I typically don't judge a book by its cover, but the old lady on this book really seems to love her pussy. She's gently placing her hands all over it and smiling with delight. I'm sure that smile will turn into squeals if she treats it too rough or, if somehow, her pussy starts to fight back. I believe it's called the "circle of life" but isn't it interesting that this ladies pussy is starting to look more and more like her? Its hair is starting to turn grey and white too. Life really imitates art (whatever the hell that means). Now I've never seen a pussy that close to the boobs before, but maybe that's what happens when you get to a certain age. Reverse gravity? Anyway, I'm not sure you really need a book to tell you what a cat is thinking. I assume it typically thinks, "I'm hungry. Now I'm going to lick my crotch. Now I'm going to chase that piece of lint. Now I'm going to lick my crotch again. Now I'm going to go back to licking my crotch." I'm pretty sure that's all they do and think. Thanks, Harriet, for making this blog post "Old Lady Pussy Approved!" Meow!
Product # 2 - Hey there Skippy! You must be lucky to live in the Thompson household where your parents couldn't give a crap about you and allow you to draw while you should be eating breakfast! You mom and dad care enough to serve you Fruity Pebbles, or what looks like a bowl of candy, for breakfast....and without a spoon. That's sweet of them. I guess you don't really need your teeth anyway....or love for that matter. Feel free to use your snotty hands as a shovel to feed yourself breakfast! So whatcha drawing there Skippy? Is that supposed to be a car because it looks like a retarded rollerskate with a busted wheel and one eye. Oh, and since when are cars as big as flowers? Maybe that's what your brain tells you to draw since it's malformed from being given a diet of Fruity Pebbles and chalk. I guess no really harm is done, since the sun that you drew is big enough to kill the rollerskate, the flower, and probably you. And what are you smiling at? Pay more attention to what you're drawing and less attention to the person who's trying to take a natural picture of you, stupid. Oh, and no offense "Mr. Creativity" but you're given like 6 different colors to choose from, so good job making everything the same color in your drawing, Einstein. Maybe everything is "white" in your world, Captain Racist, but in our world there are many colors and that's a good thing. Well, since your parents don't give a crap about you, maybe I can give you some helpful advice. Eat and the breakfast table and that's it. Don't sing, don't draw, don't watch TV, don't do your homework....just eat. No wonder the Chinese are smarter than us. They create these games for you to buy to dumb down your kid.
Product # 3 - Have you ever wondered where a safe and dry place would be to dry your cashmere sweaters? Well look no further because the answer was right under your nose the whole time. Clearly, the best place to dry these things would be to place them over your bathtub. Yeah, that place is 100% dry since water is never associated with the bathtub or the shower. I'm not kidding about this, this really is a product and this is where they tell you to put it. However don't fret, consumers, if you live in a trailer and don't have a bathtub (and you probably do live in a trailer if you're buying this) I've found some other places where you can safely dry your sweaters too! Dry them at such place as: your backyard swimming pool, the car wash, a baseball field when they're watering the grass, a wishing well, the aquarium, outside anywhere in Seattle or London, or on the top of an umbrella. I'm a little disappointed that Harriet hasn't updated the sweaters she wears since she went to the sock hop or when she was an original cast member of Archie and Jughead.
Product # 4 - Uh oh! Prank alert! Want to have your co-workers laughing for, literally, under 2 seconds? Do you think the whoopie cushion and the remote control fart machine are jokes of the past? Well does Harriet have quite the prank for you! Picture it. You walk into the office kitchen and go and grab a cup of water. You position yourself next to your co-workers who are sitting down enjoying their Smart Ones for lunch and you tilt your head back and start to drink....all while showing off the nose and mustache that's on the side of the cup. Your co-workers will look stunned at first because they'll think you really have a big nose and mustache, but after 25 minutes pass and they understand the prank you just pulled on them they'll be laughing until the 5:00 whistle goes off! If I was there watching you I'd be more surprised this chick wasn't wearing fake hands because I'm pretty sure she has a case of the "Man Hands." If she really wanted to kick it up a notch she'd trade in that bushy mustache for a Hitler mustache and she'd tattoo a Swastika on her forehead. I mean, if you're going to pull an office prank you might as well do it right and get escorted out by HR and the police at the end of your "performance." Thanks, Harriet, for making work pranks fun again. Nosebody nose this better than you! Shit I am funny with that last sentence.

Previous Harriet Carter Posts

Click Here to Become MYSPACE Friends With IBBB and Harriet Carter!

Olsen Eyebrows Cause Olsen Smiles

Finally! The secret has been uncovered! People used to always wonder why The Olsen Sluts never smiled, but now we can be pretty sure that it's somehow tied to their eyebrows. Perhaps it's a twin thing that traces all the way back to the birth canal. Olsen birth canal....gross. Anyway, new Olsen eyebrows tend to make Olsen's smile, which allows us to see Olsen teeth, which aren't as nice as you'd think they'd be. One of the Olsen's, it doesn't matter which one, was all smiles recently. Mary-Michelle-Ashley-Kate-Tanner-Gibbler-Olsen was at the Calvin Klein Resort 2009 Collection an just couldn't wipe that smirk off her face. Maybe she was thinking about that time when DJ Tanner had her in the shopping cart and was singing "Lollipops and Gummi Bears Are My Favorite Treat" while they tried to raise money for Danny and Ant Becky's 24-hour telethon? I know that usually makes me smile.

So are these eyebrows the new trend? I hope not. I don't want to see girls with eyebrows that dudes from Staten Island have.

David Silver in Airport Spinoff

With all the hoopla around Tori Spelling, Jennie Garth, and some of the other 90210 alumni making the news lately it's nice to see our good old boy, David Silver, alive and kicking. He and his hot skank-bag girlfriend, Megan Fox, were snapped up as David picked up Megan at the Burbank airport. Burbank, huh. LAX too expensive to fly into? Come on, there's got to be some extra 90210 money kicking around.

I wonder if David Silver is still trying to get his rap career off the ground? If I were Megan Fox I'd watch out. If history repeats itself, David will end up banging a talent scout in the back of her limo all whilst Donna taps on the limo window wondering where David is. If she really wanted to get into that limo she should have used her jacked up face to break the window. Oh snap. I just gave it to Donna good with my 2nd grade joke. Seriously, there is no news to report with these two, but any time I can spew out random memories of 90210 yesteryear, then I'm happy....and I know it....so I'll clap my hands.

...In Other News...

Julia Roberts, her mouth, and her son Henry spent some time in the sun while vacationing in the Bahamas. Never look a gift horse in the mouth. In other news...

~ Is Jessica Simpson a Kinky Perv? ~ AgentBedHead
~ The ANTM Fat Train Chugs On ~ Websters
~ Fergie's Cameltoe Cartwheel ~ DSF
~ Celebrities in a Grade School Play ~ Ayyyy
~ Katie's Bowlcut Comes to Broadway ~ POTP
~ Liz Tyler Makes Me Have Bad Dreams ~ PopBytes
~ Will Smith Pulls an Oprah ~ Yeeeah
~ Respect Audrina or Else! ~ INO
~ A Britney Spears Sex Tape...Again? ~ Bricks

Fergie Does Cartwheels

Anyone happen to check out The Today Show this morning with Fergie taking part in their summer concert series? Yeah, I was embarrassed for her and myself for that matter. Fergie sang all her typical Fergie songs, but then she busted out into "Barracuda" by Heart and started doing some one-handed cartwheels while yelling into the microphone. I assume the stage smelled like burnt toast and she was having a stoke, but actually she was "performing." Just for good measure she threw in a little Axl Rose impersonation from Welcome to the Jungle.

It was great seeing Al Roker and the gang interviewing her afterwards. They were like a supportive parents who just came back from their 6-year olds piano recital. They were all like, "That was so good! You did so good with those cartwheels. Let's take a look at the clip where you did the cartwheels. Do you like doing cartwheels?"

Oh Fergie. Come on now. Thank you.

Spencer Sasses Back!

Bruce Jenner may have sassed the pants off of Spencer Pratt yesterday, but now Spencer Pratt is shooting him back using his sassooka. After Bruce and his facelifted face told Us Weekly that Spencer was a bad influence on his son, Brody, Spencer went back to blowing Us Weekly and had this to say:

"That's a bold statement from someone who only decided to try and be Brody's father after Brody got famous. He should focus more on trying to be a father and worry less about Brody's influences. Brody's doing just fine."

I then believe then Spencer gave 2 z-snaps and twist. I love a fauxlebrity sass-off!

Who Shot That Sass?!

Bruce Jenner's Facelifted Face Speaks

Us Weekly continues their world tour of "blowing the cast of The Hills" and reached out to Brody Jenner's dad, Bruce Jenner, to see what he thought of his son and his partying ways.

Bruce and his facelifted face had a few harsh words for his sons friends Spencer Pratt and Frankie Delgado. Bruce's tight mouth said, "Frankie's a very bad influence. And the day before that it was Spencer. He's been brought down by all his friends. It's not really him. He's a homeboy."

Uh, yeah you got one thing right. He is a homeboy...especially with all that bling. I wonder if all the cast members tell all their family members and friends to just bring up The Hills and say "controversial" things no matter what the question is. For example if you were to ask Heidi's mom how the weather was, she would probably answer something like, "Lauren Conrad is not a good friend." If you asked Audrina's sister what who she was voting for in the presidential race, she would probably answer, "Lo is trying to come between Audrina and Lauren." This is how it works people.

Wait, The 90210 Spinoff is Called 90210?

Through the magic of Youtube, a clip has surfaced showing what the new 90210 spinoff is supposed to be all about. It legit starts with the 90210 theme song and that ridiculous handshake that old "90210 gang" used to do. I immediately feel inner peace inside and picture Andrea Zuckerman getting hit by that bus while walking home from school. That was a happier time. Anyway, I'm pretty sure this 90210 spinoff is going to be called 90210, which makes me a little disappointed. I was hoping it was going to be called, "I Hate You Both. Never Talk to Me Again!" But no luck. I wonder what Aaron Spelling thinks of this? I should dig up his grave, shake him, and wake him up and ask him. I assume he's only sleeping and is trying to Punk us.

To be honest, the clip made me a little sleepy, but that's probably because there weren't any scenes yet with Ant Becky or Kelly Taylor, or that bitch Donna Martin. Maybe they should scrap this show and just show reruns of 90210 in it's time slot. That would make me happy.

As long as they don't make 90210 as retarded as Gossip Girl, I'll be happy. I don't care what people tell me, Gossip Girl sucks. Creating the new 90210 is like a detailed recipe. You need 1 cup of "The Hills," a tablespoon of Laguna Beach, 2/3 cup of the original 90210, and then sprinkle a little Melrose Place all over the top of it. THIS is what makes a successful show. Just thought I'd share.

Is Samantha Ronson a Predator?

Is Samantha Ronson a pedophile? This is what I think a perverted predator looks like. If I had kids (that I knew about), I would print out a picture of Samantha and tell them to run from anyone who looks like this. As a side note, they should run in a zigzag motion as it will be more difficult for the pedophile to catch them. Wait. That's either how you run from a pedophile or an alligator. Either way, just go with the zigzag. Anyway, Lindsay No Pants and Samantha "Hot Sex" Ronson were in Malibu a few days ago getting a bite to eat at Taverna Tony. Lindsay, of course, had on her trademark black leggings and Samantha wore her trademark ring around the collar and dirt on her face. All equally hot. Seriously Samantha looks like she leaves a ring around the bathtub and I'm pretty sure she makes Lindsay wear those whore-pants because when the paparazzi flash their cameras at Linds, it really makes the freckles that live underneath those pants come alive. I bet Sam like that. Yeah she does, that dirty dirty little girl. Who's the naughty little girl? Who's the naughty little girl. Fine, I'm done.

Uh Oh! Whitney Forgot Her Bra!

Ruh-Ro Rorge! What is Whitney doinK? First Audrina flashed her rack-attack and next thinK you know, Whitney Port, from The Hills, heads out for a little lunch at The Ivy and forgets to wear her bra. Luckily hardly anyone, especially the paparazzi, take pictures at The Ivy so I'm sure no one even noticed. Whitney ate up a storm and never noticed once that she was basically tits to the wind. I say "good for her." If they used some of this footage on The Hills, perhaps season 4 would be even better than season 3: part 2.

If I was sitting at The Ivy and saw Whitney with her rack hanginK out I would have asked to take a picture with it. Then I would have asked it for advice. Then I would have asked for her boob to autograph my forehead. Then I would have quietly gone with the police without putting up a fight and waited for my arraignment.

Click Here to check out Whitney without a little gnome covering her boob, you perverts!

...In Other News...

Brad Pitt took his wife's rack out for a night on the town while they were in Cannes. Hmm, Cannes. Fitting. In other news...

~ Is Matty Mc Strapped With Explosives? ~ AgentBedHead
~ Lindsay's Freckled Bikini ~ DSF
~ Heather Mills and a Duck, Not Wooden ~ Websters
~ What the Hell Happened to Jenny McCarthy? ~ NinjaDude
~ Who Was the Random Celebrity in Boston? ~ PopBytes
~ Mariah's Double Wedding? ~ POTP
~ Shania Cuts Her Losses ~ FatBack
~ Heidi Tips As Big As Her Heart ~ CS
~ Celebrity Puzzle Time ~ Ayyyy
~ Kate Hudson Moves the F On ~ Yeeeah
~ Is Halle Berry Still Pregnant? ~ INO

Britney's Gut Costa Rican Vacation Wrap Up Palooza 2008!

I used to go to grade school with a girl from Costa Rica. Her name was Yessina. I wonder if Britney saw her whilst she and her gut were vacationing? Anygut, if you missed any of the Freakin' Costa Rican minute by minute recap that all the other blogs were running then you've come to the right place for a quick picture recap. Here's what went down. Britney spent some time with her gut hanging out on the beach, followed by riding a 4-wheeler with her gut smooshed down. Later, Britney walked the beach with her gut hanging out and then she rinsed her gut off and did her best "Jesus on the cross" impersonation. I just noticed these are out of sequence. Oh well.

No offense, but unless Britney is pregnant she shouldn't be wearing that on the beach. Look, sometimes taking the "crazy pills" puts some weight on you. It's a side-effect. I don't take crazy pills, although I should, but I spent the majority of the winter months blogging and eating boxes of Entenmann's cookies. I shit you not. So, kids, you won't see IBBB on the beach until I do a little exercise. The same rule should apply to Britney, although since she's a celebrity it should be a law and she shouldn't be allowed out of her house until she is stick skinny. Ugh. If I ruled the world.

Happy Lifeless Birthday, Audrina!

Raise your legs ladies and gentlemen greeters because Audrina Patridge is 23 years old and celebrating for the 16th time this month. Wanna spread my wings, sweet 16, so much more to life sweet 16! Audrina and her lifeless expressions celebrated the big 2-3 on Saturday night in Vegas at LAX nightclub in the Luxor Hotel. It was reported that family and friends surrounded her, but no scripted Lauren Cockring, no scripted Heidi Montard, and no scripted LOser either. I hope her sister, Tats Patridge, was there with her teeth and tats to help celebrate! As a sidenote, I'm pretty sure that in the right side of the first photo, that is the guy who played Mike Brady on the Brady Bunch. Sure, he's dead, but that could be his ghost. You don't know.

Happy Birthday, Audrina! I'm glad you're 23 because each year that passes makes me feel less and less creepy. Sweet 16!

Carrie Underwood: Backwards Cameltoe?

That Carrie Underpants is one tricky country western singer/sasser. Carrie was at the 43rd Annual Academy of Country Music Awards and was singing up a storm when I believe the Ghost of Cameltoe attacked her and hit her in the backside instead of the frontside, where the cameltoe belongs. Carrie looks visibly concerned and, frankly, so am I. There for I am giving this backwards cameltoe just one upside down camel in the "IBBB Cameltoe Ranking Systems...to the Stars" game. Carrie gave it a good try, but came up just a little short.

In News I Thought Happened Last Week...

Ashlee Simpson and her fiance Pete Wentz are finally married. These two "entertainers" tied the knot in the backyard of Ashlee's parents casa in Encino, CA. Joe Simpson, Ashlee's creepy dad, officiated the wedding ceremony and probably deep-throated his daughter when Pete was supposed to kiss the bride. Oh, and as a predictable sidenote, Ashlee is 4-months pregnant. Shock. Oh, and she had a nose job. Oh, and she had her chin done. Oh, and Milli Vanilli didn't really sing. Oh, and Magic Johnson has AIDS. Oh, and Dolly Parton's boobs aren't real. Oh, and wrestling isn't real. Oh, and The Hills isn't reality. Oh, Jack didn't really trade his cow for some magic beans that grew a magic beanstock. Nicole Richie attended this ceremony and wore a purple dress. Seriously I hate these two, I hate this story, and I hate the fact that Nicole Richie was described being there "wearing a purple dress." Who gives an F?

Source It Up!

The Boston Celtics Make Me Feel Like the 1980's Again

It's a good time to be a Bostonian, yet again. Celtics took control of LeBron James and the Cavaliers yesterday afternoon with a 97 to 92 win and earning their way to the Eastern Conf Finals to take on the Pistons. Between the Red Sox, the Patriots, and now the Celtics I clearly chose the wrong time to spend the last year of my life in NYC. Ba-da-ba-ba-ba, I'm lovin' it!

...In Other News...

Jamie Lynn Hee-Haw Spears exits the posts office with all of her returned letters from Santa in which she requested that he take back her baby in exchange for some cool makeup and new NKOTB CD. In other news...

~ Pete Doherty Has Crotch Rot Problems ~ AgentBedHead

~ Aguilera's Boobs to Explode ~ DSF

~ New Kids on the Block on the Today Show ~ INO

~ Even More Christina Boob ~ NinjaDude

~ Lisa Marie to Explode ~ PopBytes

~ Angelina to Explode ~ POTP

~ Paris Hilton's Hat Dumber Than She Is ~ CS

~ Colin Farrell Dying? ~ Ayyyy

~ Jessica Simpson is a Drunk and I Love It ~ Yeeeah

~ Mariah Actually is Tweety ~ Websters

~ Celebrity Cellulite (ish) ~ CityRag

~ Lauren Cockring is a Drunk! ~ IDWYL

~ The Little CW That Could ~ Pajiba

Karma Missed Lo & Lauren, Hits Paparazzo

Lauren Cockring and LOser were leaving Crown Bar in LA the other night when karma missed them and smacked a paparazzo right in the ass until he hit the ground. Some say he tripped and fell, I say he's going for a "LC Upskirt" and I think he should be commended for that....kinda like that dude who saved the person who fell onto the train tracks in NYC last year. While LOser just kept on walking and fixing her stringy hair, Lauren actually looked shocked and reached out her spoiled hand to help him up. LC gave her "Oh face" that can typically be seen in every shot of her in the opening credits of The Hills.

Hey Kelly Ripa, Sluts Wear Red!

Kelly Ripa was at the American Museum of Natural History the other day in NYC looking like a tanned Twizzler. Now I typically live by the rule that sluts wear red and I believe I am right yet again. I know, go figure. Kelly Ripa seems like the good kind of slut though. She's the kind of wild little minx that would play dirty sanchez with you all whist tossing some brownies in the oven for you and folding your socks. She's what I like to call a "Well Rounded Slut."

Some people say Kelly is too skinny and some say she's too tanned. I saw she isn't skinny enough or tanned enough. She needs one more cycle of toothbrush down the throat and another session in the super-sonic tanning bed in my opinion.

Anyway, Kelly is now the new face of "ryka" which is the leader in stylish performance athletic footwear and apparel designed exclusively for women. Kelly is going to oversee the design of the fitness-inspired line that will be called The Kelly Ripa Collection. Hmmm, this is sounding eerily familiar with exactly what Kathy Lee Gifford was up to while she was the co-host of Live with Regis and Snatchy Lee and her clothing line was busted for using underage sweatshop kids. Best wishes Kelly! Remember, if the stitching in your clothing line looks a little amature it's probably because it's being done by a 7 yr old who's chained to a sowing machine in India.

Source It Up!

Jessica Alba's Motherly Instinct Kicking In

Wow look at that motherly glow Jessica Alba has! She looks relaxed, breezy, and ready to give birth. She also looks like she'd take a dump on Satan right about now. Jessica tugged her fat ass out of Baja Fresh while the paparazzi were stuck to her like a dolphin caught in a tuna net....or in her case, a whale. Seriously, I'm so sick of her always looking pissed off. She's rich. That should make you happy all the time. And don't say it's because she's pregnant because she wreaked douche even before she was knocked up. I hope her kid rips her stinky on the way out. There I said it.

Worst. Lunch. Ever.

No joke, this would be one way to keep me from eating lunch. Snatchy Lee Gifford and Fran Dresshits hosted a lunch at the Friars club in NYC yesterday. Seriously can you imagine the awkward schtick these two would be doing? I imagine a lot of loud cackles and strange eye twitches. Snatchy Lee will be talking about "Reg" and Corky and Snatchidy all while Fran will be doing that annoying laugh and talking about her parents living in Boca. Yeah we get it. We got it all through the 90's and we get it now. They're like the Charro of the 90's. They have one piece of material that they've built a career on. I, of course, am jealous. Coochie coochie!

Source It Up!

Caridee English, Alive, Makes News

Someone hand me my alarm clock because I need to wake up. Bonus points for me being loser enough to remember that Caridee English quote from America's Next Top Model. ANTM winner, Caridee English, is not only still alive but is also allegedly dating fellow model Tyson Beckford. You may remember Tyson Beckford from such things as...things he modeled for. Anyway, Page Six is reporting that Caridee kicked her hometown boyfriend to the curb (as Ricki Lake audience members would say) and is now bumping Zoolanders with Tyson.

While Caridee was at the Entertainment Weekly upfronts she told Page Six that her ex-boyfriend stole $10,000 out her bank account and blew it in Vegas. What's even more shocking is that a winner of America's Next Top Model only has $10,000 in their bank account. I had $10,000 in my bank account when I was 15 and worked as a clerk at Walgreen's. Yes I have lived a wild life.

Anyway, Caridee is hot sex so when she and Tyson call it quits I'm sure she'll want to date a loser blogger like me. I'll give her half of her missing money is she dates me. Wait, it that prostitution? Whatever.

Harvey Fierstein Should Register as a "Level 3"

If you live in New York and you get a knock on your door it's probably Harvey Fierstein and he's probably there to tell you, by law, that's he a Level 3 sex offender. Ok he technically isn't, but he looks like he's well on his way as he kisses, grinds, and goes cheek to cheek with some nervous looking "friends" at the 59th Annual New Dramatist Spring Luncheon that actually honored Harvey at the Marriott Marquis yesterday. I'm not sure what 3 of those words meant. Anyway, this is my first post ever about Harvey. I'm trying to branch out from Britney for a bit (but just for today). After looking at him I had this thought: I want to be on Best Week Ever so badly...well, that and The Soup. I imagine that moments before that will happen for me the doors will open and Harvey will be standing there and I'll be told there'll be a few things I must do with Harvey before they let me on Best Week Ever. I will think for a moment and then continue my true goal of selling out and become Harvey's bitch for the night. Sure I'll look back and shutter at what I did to get on TV, but I'll be rich and famous by then and it would have all been worth. Oprah was right....dream big, kids!

Lisa Turtle is Back to Work!

I like that we live in a world where a Lisa Turtle is allowed a second chance. In probably the most random celebrity story I've ever had on IBBB, Lark Voorhies (who played Lisa Turtle on Saved By the Bell) is now starring in a new movie called "The Next Hit." By the liggity-looks of it I'm going to go out on a limb and say that this movie will either be going direct to video or will only be shown online somewhere...probably on my site. The cast includes such names as Fredro Starr, Rick Ross, Flo'Rida, and Noreaga. I'd make fun of them, but am pretty sure I'd be put on a hit list. Oh wait, I just got the name of the movie. Good call, Lisa!

Anylark, I checked out the clip of this movie and I'm pretty sure there are a few pornos that started out the same way...and with the same style of acting. But again, I'm glad Lisa Turtle is making a blip on the celebrity radar. I'm glad all my old favorite TV characters are making comebacks..Lisa Turtle, Kelly Taylor, Donna Martin, Ant Becky, Jodie Sweetin, and one day hopefully Kimmy Gibbler. Oh! Kimmy Gibler and Lisa Turtle could maybe do a reality show and call it something like "Bad Clothes, Bad Acting, Big Pay Checks" Here's to dreaming!

Check out the movie clip below and if this really becomes the next big hit, you can thank me, Lisa Turtle.

The Next Hit Movie Trailer - video powered by Metacafe

Who Won America's Next Top Model 10?

Sad times, sad times. Last night was the season finale of America's Next Top Model Cycle 10. So who won? A hint is hidden in the photo above. Resident ANTM recapper, Jenny, stops by one last time this season to recap the absolute piss out of this episode and even sheds a little light on Jenny and her life. She's as crazy as IBBB and I like that. Here are her thoughts:

• Well, it's finally the season finale and three contestants remain...Fatima, Whitney (not Houston) and Anya. Who will it be? Who really cares? I think there should be a surprise twist where Tyra crowns herself America's Next...........Top............Model.
• The girls are shooting a Covergirl commercial and a Covergirl print ad. The print ad includes a billboard in Times Square. Saleisha shows up on the set of the shoot. Anya is crying. Probably because Saleisha is there. Cheer up, Anya...At least it's not Jaslene.
• I think Jay is wearing lipstick again. He is sassy.
• Ding Ding Ding! Tyra said it....not only did she say "You have to smile with your eyes," but also "there's a difference between this.....and this....." Oh Tyra, how I will miss you so now that the season is ending. Actually, I won't miss you at all.
• Mean-a Paulina tells Anya that she looks stupid in her picture. Um, Paulina...do you know that you look like you used those old pink foam rollers that my mother used to make me sleep in for picture day?
• It's judging time, part 1 A....and Fatima is G.O.N.E. Tyra spews some nonsense about Whitney, and who is Whitney, and are we figuring out who Whitney is, and who is the girl inside Whitney. Just shut up. This isn't America's Next Top Psychologist. PS, I am copy writing that, so don't even try to steal my TV show CW...or UPN...or Soapnet!
• Looks like Whitney and Anya will get to stomp their way down the runway like horses trying to escape a barn fire.
• Tyra goes over the prizes for the 4 hillionth time and critiques the runway show. Of COURSE when critiquing Whitney Tyra is reminded of herself in the Anne Klein fashion show...and happens to have a clip of it for all of us to enjoy.
• Tyra starts reviewing all of their photos from the dawn of time. This is boring and I started to tune out. I realized a new pet peeve of mine today. It is when crossing guards insist on crossing you even though you're an adult. It's like, I'm 32 years old. I know how to cross the street and we aren't even near a school. Then it gets awkward. Do I start to cross before you give me the go ahead? Do I wait for you to tell me to go? If I go before you "cross" me, are you going to yell at me? Stupid.
• HOLD IT.............HOLD IT.......Whitney is America's next top model? I mean, good for her and all....but I didn't see that coming from a mile away. My money was on Anya. Oh well. I guess Tyra and I don't see eye to eye. Not the first time. Farewell Tyra's insanity. Farewell Jay's lipstick.....Farewell Miss Jay's glitter brows. Til we meet again...or will we? Aren't there rumors that Tyra is leaving this train wreck? Maybe she could have a reality show to recast her own self. Hmmmmmmmm........
  

All Previous ANTM Recaps

Is Fantasia Having a Stroke?

So I thought I'd put on the American Idol last night that all the kids are watching and figured I'd regret it. I didn't. I'm grateful to my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, that I put it on at just the right time. Did anyone see Fantasia "perform" last night? Well, I'm pretty sure the stage must have smelled like burnt toast because I think Fantasia was having a mix between a stroke and a couple of seizures while she sang. No joke, Fantasia is the ugliest singer ever. I don't mean she is ugly and a singer. I mean while she sings, she sings ugly....kinda like people are ugly when they cry.....same thing. Simon's face was priceless while Fantasia was declaring jihad on stage (as seen above). Enjoy this clip.....while it lasts.

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Um Sue? Yeah. Um, What the F*ck Are YOU Doing?

I know this is old news by now, as it has happened on Monday, but I CAN'T stop watching it over and over and over and over and over again. The NYC local newscaster, Sue Simmons, was live doing a quick promo on what's coming up on the nightly news at 11 when she thinks she's off the air and has a "sweet as pie" question for her fellow news anchor. Honestly, I couldn't love anything more than I do this clip if I tried.

Bon Jovi and Wife Same Person?

Know how Michael Jackson and LaToya Jackson are actually the same person? They are. Well I've been searching for the white version of that for years. 3 to be exact. And, well, I think I may have found it. Jon Bon Jovi and his wife, Dorothea, just finished eating at the Waverly Inn in NYC the other night when the paparazzi descended from helicopters to take their pictures....I assume. Anyjovi, I have 2 questions. (1) Where in the hell is the Waverly Inn and how can I get there as it seems like only celebrities get to go. (2) Who the hell is Bon Jovi's wife and why haven't I seen her before? I know a nice girl from Boston who would trade places with Dorothea in a second and not just because she's a home-wrecking-whore, but because she's really into Bon Jovi and she cares about the community (I through that in there for good measure). Dorothea sounds like a nuns name and she's looking a little rough around the edges and by edges I mean face. It's like looking at Bon Jovi with a wig on...and a mean face. Just sayin.

Bon Jovi will be wrapping up their tour here in NYC at Madison Square Garden on July 14th and July 15th so, uh, if you have tickets you should totally go to that. I have no idea where I'm going with this. God bless.

Fun With Myspace Ads!

Myspace typically loses its appeal after a while, but the constant changing of ridiculous ads always keeps me coming back for more. Here are two of the many random ones that popped up on my Myspace page today. Enjoy.Yeah, no. So I'm not 100% up-to-date on all the different kinds of acne that "the kids" can get these days, but I'm not as certain that this chick needs acne medicine as much as she needs a 12-step program to stop her meth addiction that is, clearly, eating away at her face. Luckily she is still smiling with both her mouth and her eyes so at least Tyra would be proud. Once "Melanie Meth-Head" finishes her 12-steps she should also seek treatment for her need to put out cigarettes on her forehead. Not only is this dangerous for her, but I'm pretty sure this can also somehow cause forest fires. Sure, times can be tough but a little TLC is all she needs.
Now does this ad want to tell me when I will die or when David Archuleta from American Idol will die because I'm guessing that they're somehow using his likeness without his written consent or the permission of the American Idol slave owners who currently own him. As a quick sidenote, why would I ever want to know when I was going to die and why do I need a subscription to help me figure this out. Sweet Jesus forbid that my expiration date was tomorrow, I'd be pissed as hell that I've spent my last moments typing........................................................just kidding. You thought I died. Awkward "ha-ha-" on you! Anyway, I clicked on this add to see if I could find out when David Archuleta was going to die to see if I should vote for him or not on Idol...er....uh...I mean so I can tell "my friend" if he should vote for David Archuleta on Idol.

God Damn! Dolly Parton's a Racist!?

Today must be audio/video clip day at IBBB. Dolly Parton may seem like she's all smiles and boobs and, well, you'd be correct. But did you know that deep down Dolly is a sex crazed racist? Well, according to the Howard Stern show she is! So this is some funny funny crap. Dolly's new book is also available via audio and the masterminds over at Stern cut and sliced and diced and fried and sauteed Dolly's actual words and transformed them into a sexy racist rant. Honestly, you feel horrible laughing, but just thinking of Dolly saying these things is kinda funny and since I'm clearly going to hell for a variety of reasons already I felt it was ok to laugh.

Dolly, on the other hand, does not find this funny at all. Boring. According to Billboard.com, Dolly stated: "I have never been so shocked, hurt and humiliated in all my life," Parton says in a statement. "I cannot believe what Howard Stern has done to me. In a blue million years, I would never have such vulgar things come out of my mouth. They have done editing or some sort of trickery to make this horrible, horrible thing. Please accept my apology for them and certainly know I had nothing to do with this.""If there was ever going to be a lawsuit, it's going to be over this," she continued. "Just wanted you to know that I am completely devastated by this."

Devastated?! You just totally reinvented yourself and appealed to a much younger generation and you didn't have to up your boob size again. I'd declare this a victory. Yeeeeee haw, God Damn!

Oh, and unless you want to get fired at work don't listen to this with the volume way up.

Quote of the Week

"I didn't want some mum whose son may have recently died to see the commander-in-chief playing golf. I feel I owe it to the families to be in solidarity as best as I can with them. And I think playing golf during a war just sends the wrong signal." ~ President Bush

Yes. President Bush has made the ultimiate sacrafice. No golf. Sometimes I feel like America is going to be blown off the map....by Jesus.

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